I swear, if I hear one more idiot blaring at top volume
and foaming at the mouth over the "liberal media" I'm
gonna shoot my television. I both pity and loathe those who have
irresponsibly succumbed to the misfortune of believing what they
are told through that miserable squawk-box and the idiots with
the blown-dry hair who act as nothing more than an empty
extension of that device.
As
luck (?) would have it, this little rant was interrupted by Bush
coming out live to talk tough about Libya giving up and wanting
to do whatever Bush wanted them to do.
Exactly
what the hell is going on? What? Did James Baker take a little
detour during his Strong-arming
the Allies tour? Where did this
come from? What? Did Saddam's arrest already run out of steam?
Oh,
and George?
Who
the hell is "Moo-mar?"
Geez, now you even got that undie-twister Blitzer saying it!
Good cover, dude! But, alas, I digress. There will be more on
Libya
and Moo-mar later - I promise.
So
anyway, George, I think you owe the media one fat kissy-poo.
They've been covering for you for the last three years plus. Oh,
I know you've complained like a petulant child about not being
able to get beyond the "filter of the media" but,
really, George - they've bent over just about as far as
they can. Besides, it's very uncomfortable for many of us to
watch these alleged journalists broadcasting with their heads so
far up their backsides that we can't see their elbows. Don't
believe me? What about this past weekend for example?
The
British press and various Internet news outlets (including the Drudge
Report of all places!) come out with a little story about
Hussein's arrest a week after it took place. It would seem that
what happened isn't
exactly what really happened. Can you say shades of Jessica
Lynch, boys and girls? Sure, ah knew
you could! But, once again, just like the Lynch story or the
plastic turkey stealth mission - things aren't always what
they seem.
According
to several sources, those pesky Kurds had Saddam before we got
to him. The Kurdish Patriotic Front already had Saddam after he
had been turned in by an informant whose daughter had been raped
by Saddam's son, Uday. So the KPF captured him, doped him up and
then rang the dinner bell for American - er, coalition
forces - to "bring 'em on!" Granted, there are
conflicting versions of the story coming out, but it does sound
like the way Bush does "bidness."
And,
once again, the Bushies get caught with their pants down.
One
would think this would be as big a story over here as it is over
there but, son of a gun, mere hours after this one hit wouldn't
ya know? Tom "Captain Crayola" Ridge would
feel compelled to whip out his crayon and put us at code orange
just in the nick-o-time? And wouldn't ya know? All the little
American journalists came scurrying back from grazing in the
fields to let people know all about the new color. Just in time!
C'mon,
Georgie-boy, give em a big smooch-aroo! You have to admit, no
one's talkin' about anything that could be embarrassing for you.
Just
like when the British protesters were pulling a statue of you
down when you went to
London
to visit the Queen. Few saw that one either because everybody
was too busy watching an empty runway from the air while they
waited for Michael Jackson's plane to land. Then they sat there
for hours watching the roof of a minivan a la O.J. as
it drove him to the sheriff's office. C'mon, ya little brat, ya
got to admit that was awesome! Saved you a lot of embarrassment,
right?
And
speaking of Michael - isn't it great that he was formally
charged on the same day that former governor, Thomas Kean, said
that 9/11 could've been prevented? Remember him?
The guy you appointed to an investigation you
never wanted in the first place? Seems as though ol' Tom
feels that you and those who serve you should've known there was
a definitive threat. He even cited Condi's nonsense about not
possibly being able to conceive "they would ever use
airliners as weapons."
Well, he and his gang seem to think that statement, and others
like it are a bunch of bologna and so do we. So it was really
lucky for you that the media felt it was more important to spend
multiple hours dissecting Michael Jackson's formal charges
rather than raise the question of your obvious irresponsibility
that horrible day - and in the months before.
Since
the day you snuck in the back door of the White House - also
thanks to the media - you've been very lucky. Really, George,
just how many times can a guy "hit the Trifecta?"
I
mean, c'mon, Georgie-boy - remember when the NORC results from
the election were due out? Originally, they were due the week of
9/11, so you really
lucked out that week. But then they were due to be re-released
on a Monday in November. To make matters worse, even the
conservative Drudge Report headlined that Gore had won in six
out of the nine scenarios considered by the investigation the
Sunday before the release date. And then, low and behold, flight
587 falls out of the sky the
same morning the results are being discussed on the media! I
mean, just how fortunate can a guy get? But, yeah, I know that's
old news.
So
I've been watching today, waiting for the doped-up Saddam story
to appear but they're still talking about code orange and what a
great leader you are.
Y'know,
George, you and others like you really need to stop perpetuating
this myth about the liberal media. It obviously doesn't exist
and, in all actuality, the media has really become your best
friend. They have bent over backwards to insure that very few
realize what a threat and a complete embarrassment you truly
are. You and yours have messed up this country and the safety of
the world completely and successfully.
Many
Americans will celebrate the birth of your favorite
philosopher while they huddle in terror and suspicion with
their families in anticipation of the terrorists and the idiocy
that is the color code warning system.
Remember,
kids, (don't know where I heard this - maybe Robin Williams) but
code orange means that you still
spy on your neighbor like in code yellow -
but you have to wear a sweater. And if any of you ran out
of duct tape since the last code orange here's (http://www.identi-tape.com/duct.html
) a web site where you can stock up again. And they have great
new colors so you can be, not only patriotic and paranoid, but
stylish too. I have to admit, I couldn't find anything for
plastic sheeting. Sorry.
So,
George, enough already and give the liberal media a big wet
kiss. They got your backside and your secret is safe with them.
And to the rest of you.
Merry,
Damn Christmas..Bush style!
Sincerely,
DJ
P.S.
- Oh and by the way. If anything does
go down over the holidays, let's try to remember that Bush has
spent much, much more
invading and rebuilding
Iraq
than he has protecting
America
.
Just ask Captain Crayola.
