The Link
Senate Votes to Pull Plug
on Brain-Dead Republicans
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a vote that spilled across partisan lines, members of the Senate agreed it was high-time to pull the plug on Republicans, long-considered either brain-dead or -damaged by doctors.
Senate majority leader Bill Frist, a staunch Republican, explained how the vote passed the Republican-dominated chamber.
"Because we're pretty damned brain-dead. And we've got to be stopped. When the Democrats floated the idea, we saw a chance to "head for the exits" if you will."
Neurologists say you need only review the widely-held beliefs and dominant policies of the Republican Party to see obvious signs of mental damage.
"Right here," said Dr. Dixon Bottom of UCLA Medical Center, pointing to an MRI of an atrophied human brain, "where the candidate believes he has been chosen by God to cut education funding, that is one indicator. Over here, where the idea that corporate special interests should run rampant over social welfare causes - that's another clear indicator."
"Mercury in the well water, nuclear waste on Indian lands, SUV fuel standards - it all reads like a monstrous cry for help."
"And don't get me started on their President. He's the walking definition of 'permanent vegetative state.' When he feeds himself in the morning, I'm sure they all applaud."
"Let's pull the feeding tube now!"
It is reported the President responded to this unkind assessment with a terse, "I go bye-bye?"
Democratic minority leader, Bob Reid, indicated that removal of Republican life support will begin immediately.
"From the git-go, we're gonna plow that billion dollars a month from the 'war' into the grade school system to avoid any repeats of the 'Republican condition.'
"And we'll be quickly moving from the misnamed 'culture of life' to our new 'culture of rational thought.'"
In related news, before she died, Terri Schiavo, cured of her permanent brain damage by a Christian evangelist, announced she was gay.