Bests,
John



This is funny...”And for real”, or so I’m told.



After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form,

called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about

problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the

problems, document their repairs on the form, and then

pilots review the gripe sheets before the

next flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of

humour.



Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted

by Quantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions

recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.



By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has

never had an accident... Enjoy!



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet

per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be

serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last..................



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds

like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

those are great. check these out.

my favorite :
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f... ing stupid!"