ok, before u read..
these aren't the final versions that were printed, so excuse some mistakes, and some crappy parts lol

the first I wrote on the anniversary of Katrina, and I wanted to cause I used to live there.

the second is about a hidden provision in the no child left behind act for the military to obtain information about students for recruiting.

i've got another one on da way about religion too here's a preview




by Ethan Metcalf
Our country's gulf coast was struck by one of the worst hurricanes in our history last year, but how did our leaders respond to this tragedy named Katrina?
When it comes to invading a country on charges of terrorism,which I personally don't believe in,our Army was invading, killing, and plundering the land of Iraq within days. Why couldn't we have that kind of efficiency in New Orleans after lives, homes, and families were lost to Katrina? I would guess that our president didn't care, because there was no one to kill to boost his already diminishing image.
So why exactly did our government respond so poorly to one of the worst hurricanes in history? Why because they were already busy of course!!
Our commander in chief just HAD to be in Arizona and California for some VERY pressing matters such as Medicare benefits to the elderly and most importantly... Senator John McCain's birthday!
Not only did our head honcho handle matters poorly, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin didn't impress anyone much either.
He did order the first ever mandatory evacuation of the city, but waited until the day before Katrina to do it, and this was after about a week of warnings from hurricane centers everywhere.
So not only did he wait too long to order the evacuation, but he didn't organize it well. Sufficient transportation for the ones without means of travel besides the little things mounted on the bottom of their legs was not provided. This was extremely important considering that 64 percent of New Orleans was living in poverty at the time. I'm just going to guess and say that most of them walk to school, so evacuating a city with over 400,000 people without a car had to be hell.
Now let's not forget about our dear commander in chief. He was busy serving as poster child for Medicare, and eating cake with a senator, but the worst part is that he did this AFTER countless warnings, notifications, and pleas for help.We might as well go down that list of warnings while weâre at it.
The governors of Louisiana and Mississippi (they're an exception to the slacking politicians in this story) both declared a state of emergency, which should be enough notification in and of its self to alert the federal government, but it apparently wasn't. After that Katrina was upgraded twice to a category 5 hurricane before making landfall, and when it did make landfall, the Bush Administration was specifically notified of the breach in the levees.
That's only three of the vast number of warning signs that should have gotten our government moving.
So what did Curious George do after all of this? Why eat some cake of course! Better have been some good cake.
Bush also finished up his vacation the day after Katrina's landing by playing guitar with country singer Mark Willis. Donald Rumsfeld even went to a San Diego Padres game on the day of Katrina, which was followed by reports of Condoleezza Rice attending a Broadway play followed by shoe shopping.
It wasn't like our utilities were overextended either. There was even a ship, The U.S.S. BATAAN that happened to be sitting off shore in the Gulf of Mexico during the storm which had helicopters, 600 hospital beds, doctors, food, and was capable of producing 100,000 gallons of clean water everyday.
The 844-foot ship sat waiting relief orders, and helicopter pilots flying from its deck were some of the first to begin rescuing stranded New Orleans citizens. That was without relief orders.
One of the worst things though, is George of the Jungle wasted resources for photo-ops to make the public think he was doing something. A whole crew of helicopters and pilots were held off to serve as the backdrop of Bushâs photo-op âbriefingâ them on their âmissionâ. He also diverted 50 firemen from their jobs for a newer, more important assignment⦠to accompany George Double-Ya Bush on his tour of the wreckage.
I think everyone needs to scoot back from their desk, stand up, and applaud for Bush and his cronies on a job-well-done in New Orleans. I think they would appreciate it.


by Ethan Metcalf
On January 8, 2002, George W. Bush signed the No Child Left Behind Act, and it has helped our schools out tremendously, but there is one thing wrong with it.
There is a provision buried in the No Child Left Behind Act that gives high school studentsâ private information to the military recruiters so they can come into our school and try to convince us to join the military,and Bush's war in Iraq.
Makes you kind of sick right?
One of the most important things that we have in America is privacy, but that seems to be slowly slipping away. Privacy is something that should be respected, even by our own government.
I thought this country was "by the people, for the people" I don't think that the "people" would want their privacy invaded just for the militaryâs purposes.
There is a way to stop this injustice though.
Under Sec. 9528 of the No Child Left Behind Act gives you the option to OPT OUT.This means that you can turn in a form, signed by your parents which states that you do not want the military to have access to your private information.
A print out of this form, as well as just about anything you need to know about NCLB can be found on militaryfreezone.org.
This will remove you from the list that the school hands over to the military.
Yes you can opt out, but they always have to make it hard, because you must opt out each and every year you attend high school to stay off the list.
Just knowing that the military knows our name, address, and telephone number, and who knows what else, is enought to make one sick.
I'm not making this up either, the ACTUAL codes and bylaws state this in Sec 9528, and the school district isnât even required to tell the students. It's one of those "find out on your own" things.
NCLB isn't entirely bad though; it provides funding and supports early literacy for children, but the Bush Administration is completely wrong for making high schools send out our information, which doesn't have anything in the least to do with our education.
It's like the military is tapping into every facet of our society just so they can pick up some more recruits to do their bidding.
I've even read a story from MSNBC that the marines have started up their own myspace page for recruiting new members. Myspace is a place for friends, not Full Metal Jacket.
So first the military attacks our schools, and now they attack the internet. Great.
All males,(sexist anyone?) must also sign up for a selective service when they turn 18, or else they will get grants, loans, federal jobs, and some state jobs that they applied for turned down.
So males must limit their opportunities if they chose not to register for the selective service? And it is against the law not to? I could have sworn that this country was all about freedom and choice... apparently not.
Joining the military should be a personal choice, not something that requires the observation of each and every high school student.

Good stuff.

I thought Bush's plan was "No child left alive" though.....

haha well thank you... and yes you could phrase it like that... I just hate how they engineered the act so that it would only show the results that would boost there image on the election.. i don't have to exact notes with me but i'll post them when i get home.

Good enough, Bob. But, since you commented, give me your insight on some things.

Is it true that even though the recruiters CAN contact you you have a right to not talk to them? If this was the case, what is the harm?

Since much of the funding of schools is tax based, would it be fair to assume they could ask for access to the populace for recruiting as well? I agree that the source of the tax money (the people) may or may not approve of the tactic however, if a majority did....what is the harm?

You mentioned in your article the Military attacks the schools. Elaborate on that. You mean via recruiting visits? And attacking the internet? How so. I know they advertize as do thousands of other enterprizes.

You seem to have a less than positive impression of the military. Is that accurate> If so, why is that?

Since the military is currently all volunteer, if they are not allowed to solicit themselves, how would you suggest they market themselves?

There are no wrong answers, I am impressed with your thought process and would like to hear more of your opinions.

I'm going to focus on factual issues and some writing tips.

[quote]When it comes to invading a country on charges of terrorism,which I personally don't believe in,our Army was invading, killing, and plundering the land of Iraq within days.[/quote]
The World Trade Center and Pentagon were attacked on September 11, 2001. We invaded Iraq in March, 2003. While it's technically true that's "within days" (548 days or so), the expression "within days" is usually read to mean "within a few days."

[quote]Sufficient transportation for the ones without means of travel besides the little things mounted on the bottom of their legs was not provided.[/quote]
Passive voice. Try "Mayor Nagin did not provide..." or "The city did not provide..." or, best of all "The city and state did not provide..." as I believe this is a shared city/state responsibility.

[quote]over 400,000 people without a car had to be hell.[/quote]
Subject/object number agreement. "400,000 people without cars..."

[quote]in and of its self to alert the federal government[/quote]
"itself"

[quote]After that Katrina was upgraded twice to a category 5 hurricane before making landfall, and when it did make landfall, the Bush Administration was specifically notified of the breach in the levees.[/quote]
A little bit muddled. Try "When Katrina was upgraded twice to a Category 5 hurricane, when it made landfall, and when the levees were breached, the Bush administration was explicitly notified."

[quote]Why eat some cake of course! [/quote]
Put in a comma between "why" and "eat."

[quote]Donald Rumsfeld even went to a San Diego Padres game on the day of Katrina, which was followed by reports of Condoleezza Rice attending a Broadway play followed by shoe shopping.[/quote]
Punch it up a bit, and leave out the "reports" part. Like this - "Donald Rumsfeld even went to a San Diego Padres game while New Orleans was being flooded, and Condoleeza Rice attended a Broadway play and shopped for shoes."

You might also want to explain what connection the Secretary of Defense and the Secretary of State have with natural disasters. Outrage is nice, but I'm not sure the military chief or the chief diplomat of the United States have significant roles in disaster recovery.

[quote]It wasn't like our utilities were overextended either.[/quote]
I'd use "resources" instead of "utilities."

[quote]There was even a ship, The U.S.S. BATAAN that happened to be sitting off shore in the Gulf of Mexico during the storm which had helicopters, 600 hospital beds, doctors, food, and was capable of producing 100,000 gallons of clean water everyday.[/quote]
I recommend "There was a ship, the U.S.S. Bataan, riding offshore..." The "even" doesn't help much, I've corrected your punctuation and capitalization, and a ship not underway "rides" rather than "sitting."

[quote]One of the worst things though, is George of the Jungle [/quote]
You need a time reference here. Try "One of the worst things, though, was that days after Katrina flooded New Orelans, and while the stranded citizens were still desperate for food, clean water, and rescue, George of the Jungle...

[quote]I think everyone needs to scoot back from their desk, stand up, and applaud for Bush and his cronies on a job-well-done in New Orleans.[/quote]
Make that "applaud Bush and his cronies for a job well done...


[quote]On January 8, 2002, George W. Bush signed the No Child Left Behind Act, and it has helped our schools out tremendously, but there is one thing wrong with it.
There is a provision buried in the No Child Left Behind Act that gives high school studentsâ private information to the military recruiters so they can come into our school and try to convince us to join the military,and Bush's war in Iraq.
Makes you kind of sick right?[/quote]
Put a comma between "sick" and "right."

[quote]I thought this country was "by the people, for the people" [/quote]
The quote is "government (not country) of the people, by the people, and for the people"

[quote]Under Sec. 9528 of the No Child Left Behind Act gives you the option to OPT OUT.This means that you can turn in a form, signed by your parents which states that you do not want the military to have access to your private information.[/quote]
Either delete "Under," or say "Under Sec. 9528..., you may OPT OUT."

Pluralize "names, addresses, and telephone numbers."

[quote]I'm not making this up either, the ACTUAL codes and bylaws state this in Sec 9528[/quote]
Better to say "the ACTUAL statute..." The U.S. Code doesn't have bylaws.

[quote]NCLB isn't entirely bad though; it provides funding and supports early literacy for children, but the Bush Administration is completely wrong for making high schools send out our information, which doesn't have anything in the least to do with our education.[/quote]
Excellent use of the semicolon. But stay on target. Change "send out our information" to "send our personal information to the military."

[quote]I've even read a story from MSNBC that the marines have started up their own myspace page for recruiting new members.[/quote]
Capitalize "Marines."

[quote]All males,(sexist anyone?)[/quote]
Delete the comma.

[quote]must also sign up for a selective service when they turn 18, or else they will get grants, loans, federal jobs, and some state jobs that they applied for turned down.[/quote]
Make it "apply," present tense.

[quote]Joining the military should be a personal choice, not something that requires the observation of each and every high school student.[/quote]
The sentiment's a little jumbled. Try "Joining the military should be a personal choice, and the military should not be given the ability to spy on each and every high school student." "Spy on" is much more emotionally loaded than "observation."

1. Don't I also have the right to privacy? Saying "Take me off your calling list please" won't work with the military.

2. I'm really not sure if the majority knew that this provision was in NCLB. I mean, how the hell are funding for schools and invading my privacy related? I've opted out and everything, cause I have NO intentions whatsoever of joining Uncle Sam's Horde.

3. I say attacking because that just reiterates how I feel about it, and sometimes I get a little carried away when I'm angry I also see recruiters using a website for SOCIAL purposes(myspace) as an attack. That just screams "Hey little boy.... you want some of this candy I got in my car?"

4. My father is a Major in the Air Force, and my mother used to be a Lt. Colonel. I don't think the military is bad, just some of things they do, and the way they go about it that irks me. I mean where would this country be if we didn't have a military? Probably sipping on some over priced tea.

5. Again, they have commercials, flyers, recruiters that come into my school, myspace profiles, etc...

Anyways, I love this site, because no one flames others for having a separate opinion. I was on debate team for a little while but it was too frustrating even for me. I would agrue a stump. It's just that everyone else was really ignorant, and never even looked at my side. I once asked why Kerry would have been a bad pres. and he replied "cause he looks like a pussy and talks funny." crap like that you know...

Oh, dear. You're in for a shock.

Putting my pads on now.....

And thanks for the grammatical fixes and stuff, but these were not the final versions that were printed, so they have been fixed. Also, thanks for the pointers, I love constructive critism, it helps me better write my next stories and stuff....

Happy to help. Whether I agree with your opinions or not, being able to put them clearly, concisely, and persuasively helps everyone. Modern American English is, as I'm sure you know, a mass of sometimes illogical rules and principles. Years of experience helps.

For what it's worth, we probably won't agree on much. I am the resident right wing knuckle dragger and retired Army CSM. But, Im for the guy or guyette with backbone and conviction regardless of the position. Belay that. Some positions are....painful to observe. You seem to have a good head, good thought process, conviction, and direction. Being an aspiring writer, be a heavy reader. Do not believe all you read. Validate, check sources, keep your emotions in check, make your readers think for themselves. Drive on...

CSM? Much respect. I'd call you "sir," but I like my head right where it is, thanks.

During your career, did you ever encounter a British RSM? Pretty scary.

thank you.... this is probably the best/most feedback I've ever gotten. And I don't hold personal grudges due to one's beliefs.... I've got many a conservative friend/family member.

In Wichita Falls? I bet you do. Hold hard, amigo. Keep your sense of humor and your outrage at being manipulated. And get the hell out of Wichita Falls just as soon as you can!

OMG!!! Have you lived here? or atleast gone to Shepard for the military? wow lol...

You could strengthen the emotional punch of this point by personalizing it... or perhaps by pointing out the irony in the ship's Namesake.



"We're the battling bastards of the Bataan
No mama, no papa, no Uncle Sam"

otherwise... um, use more active verbs, and tighten style and grammer a little. Is good.

Yep....spent enough time with cross assignements that I know a couple pretty well. What impressed me was their super human ability to absorb alcohol at twice their body weight.

I went to Witchita Falls many, many times. When I was assigned to Fort Sill, OK, I used to drive to WF's to buy fish for my marine aquarium. That store had hardy stock that wouldn't die at the slightest change in water conditions. I think I'm gonna get back into aquarium keeping now that I think about it......

im bout to write a song about this place for my ska band....

Wichita Falls...
Where you can't go a block without finding another steak house
Wichita Falls...
A breeding pool for[break instruments]truck driving, confederate flag wearing, inbreeding, shirtless lawn mowing, cheap beer drinking rednecks...

well that was just of the top of my head.

Just as long as we understand that even Wichita Falls has a few left leaning intelectuals that wear a shirt to drink beer and mow the lawn, and it's even more often than not, clean.

Hea Bob,

Isn't the law written to attempt to protect the privacy of the MINORS by allowing the parents to opt out of recruitment advertisement via phone and mailers? However isn't it the policy that the recruitment not be transparent about the opt out aspect of the law. Not saying that it's the recruiters that are perpetrating this but it being the overall unwritten policy. That it is left up to the parents to be alerted by the school concerning the collection of the MINOR's personal data and the opt out slip needs to be provided by the school?

The provision is in there to protect privacy yes, but it is up to the school to inform the parents/students. Like I said, YOU MUST FIND OUT ON YOUR OWN! The whole aim of my editorial was to point out that it is completely wrong to put something like this in an act that is supposed to improve education.

The provision is in there to protect privacy yes, but it is up to the school to inform the parents/students. Like I said, YOU MUST FIND OUT ON YOUR OWN! The whole aim of my editorial was to point out that it is completely wrong to put something like this in an act that is supposed to improve education.